Pentecostal preacher-father can’t get past the fact that his Yale-student son is gay

by Rev. Stephen Parelli, October 18, 2010. Bronz, NY.



Truck Darling, left,
and Jose Ortiz,
New Haven, Conn.  Oct. 2, 1020



There is a certain kind of joy and excitement in meeting other gay people of faith. There are common threads each party shares in the fabric of their respective gay Christian lives. Often, a first-meeting between gay people of faith is like a family reunion or a coming home experience.

This was especially true for Jose Ortiz when, on Saturday October 2, along with Truck Darling who is member of Other Sheep Task Force, and myself, the three of us took the Metro North to New Haven to give an Other Sheep presentation to Yale students on “LGBTQ & Religious Communities in Developing Countries.” The small Yale group of students met in Morse Fellow’s Lounge. The meeting was arranged and hosted by Bridges, Yale’s LGBTQ and Ally interfaith group led by Joan Gass.

When Jose introduced himself as a Puerto Rican from an evangelical/some-what Pentecostal background, one Yale student, also Puerto Rican, named Julio responded, “We’ve got to talk.”

Left to right:  Joan Gass, Bridges leader, Truck Darling,
Jose Ortiz, and Steve Parelli. Morse Fellow's Lounge, Yale
October 2, 2010

Turns out, Jose and Julio grew up in the same Puerto Rican Christian denomination, a very small, small fellowship of churches scattered throughout the United States among Spanish speaking communities. Julio’s parents are both ministers in the denomination. As a young person, Jose was very active in the denomination from age twelve through his college years and young adult life.

Jose and Julio’s meeting is especially unique because of the small size of the denomination. Remarkable, that two gay men, Jose in his mid-forties and Julio a sophomore at Yale, having the same denominational background would meet: Jose, now traveling the world summers, empowering LGBT people of faith, and Julio an up-and-coming young man at Yale.

Julio, Yale student, left, and Jose Ortiz.
Morse Fellow's Lounge, Yale.
October 2, 2010

These two men, without having known each other until now, share in that common thread of being totally misunderstood by their Puerto Rican Christian denomination, and often feeling rejected by that denomination, as they stand on the outside looking in.

Jose Ortiz, left, and Julio, Grand
Central, Manhattan
October 17, 2010

On Sunday, October 17, Jose and I spoke briefly with Julio at Grand Central in Manhattan. He was passing through New York City on his way to New Haven, coming from his sister’s wedding. He told us that his preacher-father, who has known since Julio was a young teenager that he is gay, spoke to him about someday getting married. The father is not yet able to entertain the thought that perhaps his “Biblical” view on same-sex love is ungrounded and that his son’s sexual orientation is not a problem, but rather a gift to be embraced.

A couple weeks back, on September 30th, Jose turned forty-four. He received a phone call that brought tears to his eyes. It was his very best friend from his Puerto Rican church from his “youth group” days and his twenties, a friend who while always “loving” Jose found it difficult to be himself with Jose once he learned Jose was in a gay relationship, and silently stayed away, and eventually losing Jose's phone number.

Such are the common threads that gay Christians share: a Pentecostal preacher-father who can’t get past the fact that his Yale-student son is gay; and a life-long church-going best friend who doesn’t know that his now-openly gay friend is still the same wonderful “Joey.” And for Jose and Julio, this common thread of being misunderstood by those one loves dearly, runs within the same small Puerto Rican Pentecostal Christian denomination. Now that’s commonality that makes strangers quick friends; like coming home . . . together.

Julio gave permission to use photos of him, his first name, and to reference him as a Yale student, but asked that his last name and the name of his denomination not be used.



Truck Darling, Jose Ortiz and Steve Parelli
(third, fourth and fifth from left)
with Joan Gass (left) and three other Yale Bridges students.
 Morse Fellow's Lounge, October 2, 2010.



"Ex-gay" leader John A Murphy calls gays "deniers of the Word of God" in letter to Coordinator of Other Sheep Kenya

by Rev. Stephen Parelli, Executive Director of Other Sheep

In an email dated October 17, 2010, John A. Murphy, Founder of the Brentwood, Tennessee, “ex-gay” ministry Rock House Way, called upon United Methodist minister of Kenya, Rev. John Makokha, Other Sheep Kenya Coordinator, to repent of his pro-LGBT religious activism, saying there is “far more support” if he does so.

Mr. Murphy heard Rev. Makokha speak at Edgehill United Methodist Church, Nashville, TN, on Sunday, October 17, 2010. Rev. Makokha is an advocate of same-sex marriage and nondiscrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Mr. Murphy says, “I am not in favor of supporting or justifying any sin,” and he pleads with Rev. Makokha to change his views claiming there will be “far more support.”

He asks Makokha to denounce gay Africans as “self-righteous, justified, deniers of the Word of God, rebellious against God and as forcing the government’s hand to protect them.”

Of course, if Mr. Murphy’s ministry of “transforming” gays “to the glory of God” is a reality, why would he need to lure any true minister of the gospel to endorse his ministry?

This all smacks of financial enticement, something that is not unheard of when religious organizations from developed countries attempt to attract religious organizations from underdeveloped countries.

Rev. Makokha will refuse the offer. His long standing record is clear: he does not see same-sex love as coming under God’s condemnation.

Mr. Murphy’s email is at Other Sheep Exec Site blog, October 18, 2010. Rev. Stephen Parell is Executive Director of Other Sheep.

There is " far more support" for religious African organizations that will name the gay communities of Africa as self-righteous, justified, deniers of the Word of God, rebellious against God, and as forcing the government's hand to protect the human rights of sexual minorities, says Rock House Way, "ex-gay" ministry of Tennessee.

Reporting: This blog features Rev. Steve Parelli's brief observations, highlights and excerpts from the John A. Murphy email forwarded to him from Rev. John Makokha. John A. Murphy is Founder of "ex-gay" ministry Rock House Way. Murphy heard Rev. Makokha preach at Edgehill UMC in Nashville, TN, on Sunday, Oct. 17, 2010.

Tennessee “Ex-gay” ministry Rock House Way calls upon UMC Kenyan Other Sheep Coordinator Rev. John Makokha to Repent of his pro-LGBT religious human rights activism, saying there is "far more support" if he does so.

Excerpts from the following letter: 

"Is it to love them [LGBT people] to wholeness or add to their bondage with the chains of self-righteousness, justification, denial of His Word, rebellion against God and activism to force the protection of the government?"

"I can assure you that if you were to appeal to organizations that seek to minister to the gay community in such a way as to help them break free of their sin you would receive far more support..."

From: John R Murphy of "Ex-gay" Rock House Way, email: john@rockhouseway.com
Subject: RE: UMC Pastor Makokha meeting in Nashville
To: Rev.John Makokha, UMC Kenyan Minister and Other Sheep Kenya Coordinator, email: jmakokha2000@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, October 17, 2010, 1:49 PM

Rev John [Makokha],

I have now heard your preaching this morning and reviewed the two websites on your email. I am all for loving people no matter what sin they are in because we are all in sin to some degree. I am not in favor of supporting or justifying any sin.

Rev. John Makokha,
Coordinator for
Other Sheep Kenya.
 July 2008, Nairobi 

The purpose of my work is to help people progressively, inwardly share in the likeness of Christ. He is sinless. In no way is my work to be used to give any person justification for the sin they are living in. I do not directly address any sin in my work because I see that people who progressively have the heart of Christ become less willing to tolerate their sin behavior and increasingly challenge that part of their life. I realize that the organized church has struggled to help people with overcoming their sin pattern. But what you have to understand is that Christ is not the church and He does have an answer. As we are obedient to seek His heart we are empowered to overcome the behavior that grieves Him. You must avoid becoming pro-sin just because you see no way to help people out of their sin. You are not a blessing to people who are suffering the consequences of their sin pattern by helping them feel justified. You should be loving those in their suffering and helping them overcome the root causes of their condition. This is what Christians should do for people who are suffering from any sin.

I can see from the information I heard this morning that you are either mostly or completely seeking the support of organizations that are fighting for gay rights instead of the will of God. I can assure you that if you were to appeal to organizations that seek to minister to the gay community in such a way as to help them break free of their sin you would receive far more support and would also be working in cooperation with the will of God to set all people free of any behavior that dishonors Him and causes the suffering of those He loves. And yes He does love ALL PEOPLE.

I appreciate that you like my work and materials but if you are somehow using them to help people to accept their sin as ok, please discontinue using my materials. Unless you understand that my teaching is about change to the Glory of God, then you do not understand my message.

I think it is time for you to ask God what he wants you to do with your calling to serve LGBT people. Is it to love them to wholeness or add to their bondage with the chains of self-righteousness, justification, denial of His Word, rebellion against God and activism to force the protection of the government?

In 1 Peter 4:1 we are called to have the mind of Christ. This is one who is willing to suffer before they disappoint God. I suggest that you get quiet before God and ask Him how he wants you to proceed with no regard for your agenda or what you want. He will tell you what to do if you will let Him rule your life.

Respectfully,
John

John R. Murphy
Rock House Way, LLC
P. O. Box 0187
Brentwood, TN 37024-0187
john@rockhouseway.com
www.rockhouseway.com

The pain we feel when at last the joy we know: A coming-out story with some happy endings at long, long last

by Rev. Stephen Parelli, Bronx NY, October 15, 2010

A gay father's pain and joy
Rebecca, my oldest daughter, is now 29 years old. She was 16 when I separated from her mother. The estrangement between Rebecca and me had been insurmountable. Family sentiment - from her grandparents to her aunt and uncle, cousins and siblings - was unforgiving, and religious values were ridged. Because her Baptist-pastor father, beginning at age 44, was living an openly gay life, he was, in accord with separatist/fundamentalist teachings, restricted from all family affairs, including holidays, weddings, graduations and funerals; letters he sent to family members were generally returned and phone calls generally refused.


Rebecca with her
dad, Rev. Steve Parelli,
June 2010, Dover NJ

 In spite of the nine years of seeing her gay father stigmatized, when Rebecca was 25 or 26 years old she told me "I want to see you, dad, I love you, dad." I hung up the phone and I wept bitterly. I sobbed. At last I was feeling the pain that I had buried for nine years. I was shocked at my own reaction of sobbing and I remember telling my spouse, Jose, that at last I was free to weep over the hurt I had buried in not seeing my children for nine years because at last there was real hope. The joy had touched the pain; I could feel again.

A NJ Sussex County courthouse mediator, who helped me in my losing battle to obtain child visitation rights, asked me at the time, "How are you doing?" "I'm OK, I really am," I said in a quiet, but assured voice. "No you aren't," she answered back in the same quiet, but knowing voice. She knew what I did not know: I wasn't OK not seeing my children. I had told myself I was fighting for visitation rights because my children needed to know I loved them. But I kept from myself the crushing fact that I wanted them -- just for who they each individually are - as much as I wanted them to know I love them. They always brought so much joy into my life with their different, winsome ways. Each voice, each look ... often so predictable.

So it was that when Rebecca told me over the phone that she wanted to start again a relationship with her father, I wept, I sobbed. The pain I had buried over the nine years of separation I suddenly felt when at last I owned the joy of the real prospect of getting my daughter back:  a hope I had buried along with the pain. But now, all at once, and for the first time, I felt the pain with the rising hope. And I sobbed bitterly.


In 1997 Steve took the NJ Dover
 train into NYC to "never" return. 
In 2010 he stands at the Dover
Station reunited with his
forgiving duaghter

Since then my daughter has reconnected with me and has, with her husband, connected also with my spouse, Jose. The four of us make it a point to be together. Just a couple of weeks back, in a phone call, she said, "Dad, how sorry I feel for you that for all those years you had to pretend you were straight when you were gay. To have to live not being yourself."  How mature; an adult; my daughter; all grown-up at age 29: to be able to see her father in a different light.

A gay brother's pain and joy
Today I experienced again the same painful sobbing. This time, the onset of joy that released the bent-up pain came by way of an email from my brother Jeff, age 55, two years younger than me. Jeff and I were estranged from each other soon after my public coming out in 1997 (I had a private coming out to him in the late 1970s when I was about 26 and he was about 24). It wasn't religious extremism that caused the alienation between Jeff and me in 1997, but rather our years of dysfunctional family dynamics that, like fish in water, had immersed us without our knowing it, and, saddly, were primarily the only means by which we experienced connecting as a family.

After my brother was in an unfortunate auto accident that left him disabled, we both saw the folly of having allowed differences to stand between us and seriously worked together to forge a new, lasting brother-to-brother friendship. It has been about two years now that we've reconnected.

Today Jeff emailed me:

"Steve, you've got to see this. Please go to YouTube and bring up Joel Burns, a Fort Worth city councilman who is gay and talks about gay teens being bullied and committing suicide. He talks about his own experience. This must be seen. What is wrong with us? Any volunteer work I can do to help Other Sheep, you let me know. Probably can't do much, but whatever there is to do, maybe I can help...maybe not...but if there is something, let me know....this must end. Love you, Jeff"

Of course I immediately put aside my at-home Other Sheep work to view the YouTube. Aftrer all, my re-connected brother wrote.  The story that we all know too well now about the recent bullyings and suicides of gay young teens was ripping my heart apart as I watched Joel Burns tell it, and then to hear him tell the pain he too knew as a young teen.

But the words that both crushed me and enraptured me were my brother's own email words "How can I help?" And of course, the "how-can-I-help?" was in the context of gay teen suicides. The pain I had buried about being gay during my teen years - silently in the presence of Jeff - erupted. I stood alone in the quietness of my Bronx apartment, and walking aimlessly to the entrance way I leaned against the wall there in the foyer, and looking out onto the living room area, I howled as I sobbed. The howling was like a deep, deep "demon" within me, coming out at last.

"How can I help?" These were the words I had wanted to hear when a teen. If only my brother could have held me, literally, in his arms when both of us were teenagers; and if only he could have said, "How can I help?" I needed his help then. I was alone. I somehow made it through those high school halls all alone, knowing I was different. He was cool. He was popular. I needed him then, though not acknowledging it until now - not verbally acknowledging it then, not out loud then. Yet, I had wanted to tell him; I must have. Tell someone. I had actually tried to tell dad in my early teens; he didn't get it. So no one. No one knew; no one could know.

If only Jeff could have reached across that bedroom during our teen years -- from his side to mine, from his desk to mine. As we lay in our separate beds and talked: if only we could have really talked; but no one knew.

I loved Jeff and I surely wanted him to know. I felt he could know; that he could find a place in his heart to love me though so different. I needed him then; but how could he know.

Today he said "How can I help?" And like a pulling back of the voiceless years that could not speak, he reached into my teenage heart and, with his human kindness of old age, a wiser Jeff, living in a knowing and open society, he touched and pulled forth the pain that has been there for years.

I sobbed today as I played the unbelievable words over and over again in my mind - "how can I help, how can I help" - and I felt the pain I had long buried, that when living with family, I had lived alone, in hiding, in the closet, with no one to help.

And I sobbed and I sobbed. The acute pain I was feeling had been resurrected to life by the joy I was given:  the joy known when someone says "How can I help?"  Help! help! at long last, and from a significant other, i.e., my brother - his help, so sincerely expressed. And so I sobbed over the teen-years of numbing pain I could now, for the first time, allow myself to really feel.

My Personal Meeting with Rev. Eddie Long, along with Troy Sanders and other Soulforce members

Written June 2, 2008 by Rev. Stephen R. Parelli

Jose Ortiz, left, and Rev. Steve Parelli participants
in the Soulforce Action at Bishop Eddie Long's church. 
Here, seated in the Hospitality Suit of the church
where the meeting with the Bishop took place.

 Reflections on My Experience as a participant of the "American Family Outing" meeting with Bishop Eddie Long and New Birth Missionary Baptist Church staff members at their church in the Hospitality Suite, Lithonia, Georgia, Sunday, June 1, 2008.

Photos by Steve Parelli of the June 2008 meeting with Bishop Eddie Long

Pastor Troy Sanders, on Anderson Copper, "slams Ted Haggard" - September 23, 2010

Rev. Troy Sanders, left,
with Bishiop Eddie Long

  

My expectations of Bishop Long as a Baptist minister were remarkably fulfilled. The comments he made to our group were truly very Baptist. He emphasized the final authority of the word of God, yet at the same time he remarked that he would fight for the right for us to be able to hold to our own beliefs though different from his. These two statements he made are historically very Baptist. They emphasis the priesthood of every believer and the right for the individual to answer before God according to his own conscience and not according to the dictates of an authority outside of the individual, be it the church, government or some other institution or individual.

The Soulforce Team at Eddie Long's church
following their meetring with Bishop Long

He also told us that at times, after careful reflection, he has changed his mind (as it might pertain to doctrine, teaching, or an interpretation of Scripture, so I understood it), and that he has even told his congregation that he had been wrong on a given matter. He indicated that before he could have a clear conscience before God on some study (which he would teach from the pulpit, as I understood him), that he would have to be able to say before God that he had done his homework on the topic.

Bishop Eddie Long
speaking to the Soulforce Team

 In his morning sermon, prior to our meeting with him, he told his audience that his study library fills five rooms. No, he hasn't read all the books he explained, but he does read certain parts of a given book as the need to know about something arises. The books serve as a reference, and when he needs to know something he goes to his library with a particular question or interest in mind.

He also told us that he realizes that some of his ideas (about homosexuality, as I understood him to mean) were handed down to him, and that these yesteryear ideas may not be valid. He gave every indication that tradition for tradition sake did not carry weight with him. In fact, tradition may hinder rather than make plain the understanding of Scripture, so I understood him to imply.

Jose Ortiz, left,
and Steve Parelli, center,
with church staff  member, right

With these comments he gave every indication that he desires to be a responsible student before making assertions in his pulpit teaching. He sees this as being responsible before God as well as being responsible to his congregation. While his final authority is the Bible as the Word of God, it does not preclude him from reading and taking into account other sources for acquiring a general knowledge that would better inform his reading of the Bible. Of course, his desire for reference material and general reading serves his one aim to have a right understanding of the Scriptures, which is his final authority in matters of faith and practice.

Biship Eddie Long
addressing Soulforce Team

 He was careful to tell us – or was it incidentally – that his father was a Baptist minister. In other words, he comes from Baptist stock. Good Baptist stock will be careful to do the hard homework of one's study of the scripture and not just run with what has always been assumed when considering a given text. As a Baptist, one's high regard for the Word of God coupled with the belief of the priesthood of every believer to be able to read and interpret Scripture for one's self, requires one to keep an open mind in the study of the scriptures.

I came away with a certain idea about the man: that if he were to have at his finger tips several scholarly books on addressing topics related to issues facing LGBT people of faith, that he would, from time to time, find himself pulling those books from his shelves and reading the chapters that would speak to the particular question that presented itself to his mind.

The Soulforce Team at a local restuarant the night before
their meetingwith Bishop Eddie Long

I believe we have an open door to send to Bishop Long the gift of books. It is evident that he is a lover of books and the knowledge that comes from books. In fact, I asked the church staff while we were still in meeting (after Bishop Long had left the meeting) if it would be appropriate for me to send two or three books to Bishop Long. The church staff commented that it would be fine. April McLaughlin, the Bishop's personal assistant, gave me her mailing address and email address so that I could send books for the Bishop to her attention.

This was not my only take on the man. There are other worthy points that I observed about the man in our meeting. I'm sure my colleagues will give observation to these other points. This point I make is the one especially close to my heart, especially as a fellow Baptist minister; and because it was so obvious to me what he was saying, I wanted to emphasis this aspect of his talk with us.

Jose Ortiz relaxing after
the Soulforce Action

Respectfully submitted,

Rev* Steve Parelli, MDiv, Executive Director of Other Sheep

AFO Lead family member

June 2, 2008

Bronx, NY

*At the time of this writing, defrocked by a local Baptist congregation for entering into a committed gay relationship.  Presently, an MCC ordained clergy.

Evangelical Chuck Colon’s statement on Armageddon and marriage equality is at odds with the long-standing writings of “ex-gay” proponents Davies and Rentzel

By Rev. Stephen Parelli, Executive Director of Other Sheep
Posted: Monday Morning, August 9, 2010
Thiruvananthapuram (Trivandrum), Kerala, India

On Wednesday, August 4, US District Court Judge Vaughn Walker ruled to overturn California’s Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage.

Evangelical political activist Chuck Colson told BreakPoint listeners, “I have warned you for months that our religious freedoms are imperiled. Well, Armageddon may be close at hand if a new court decision holds up.”

No doubt, for Chuck Colson, the Bible story of the fire of judgment that rained down upon Sodom and Gomorrah is a kind of “Armageddon” against any society that would tolerate homosexuals. It appears that Colson believes the ultimate God-defying act of society is marriage equality. Hence, according to Colson, “Armageddon may be close at hand” because of Walker's ruling to overturn California’s Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage

Colson’s view is completely in opposition to evangelical “ex-gay” leaders – Christian counselors who advocate that Christian homosexuals can and should change. As early as 1993, “ex-gay” counselors and authors Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel, commenting on the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in their book Coming Out of Homosexuality: New Freedom for Men & Women, wrote: “Pro-gay theologians are correct in saying that this passage (Gen. 19, Sodom and Gomorrah) does not provide a strong argument against prohibiting all homosexual acts” [page 184].

Colson is at odds with his own evangelical counterparts who lead in counseling evangelical gay Christians to leave their “life style” of homosexuality. Colson’s Old Testament Armageddon is not a story of God’s abhorrence of marriage equality as he supposes, but a story of violence, abuse, assault and inhospitality. “Ex-gay” leaders like Davies and Rentzel have rightly distanced themselves from any claims that Sodom and Gomorrah “provide[s] a strong argument against prohibiting all homosexual acts.”

Obviously, Colson’s Armageddon as God’s hatred for marriage equality is misnamed. Love between two consenting adults is not the content of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Any serious reader can easily discern that much. The city of Sodom has been misrepresented for centuries in the West by both religious and secular leaders by the use of its name to demean, condemn and discriminate against same-sex love. Certainly, “sodomy” so-called, applied to marriage equality, is a violent misuse of the sacred text.

Colson needs to check-in with his fellow evangelicals who are proponents of the “ex-gay” movement. Evidently, they decided more than fifteen years ago that the story of Sodom and Gomorrah has nothing to do with same-sex sex between two consenting adults. So where’s Colson’s Armageddon? Well, it isn’t coming on the heels of loving, committed same-sex couples in California who choose to marry.

[Note: The author of this article has written a paper explaining why he does not support the evangelical "ex-gay" movement.]

Hong Kong LGBT Seminar: 8 problems at the core of the 'ex-gay' movement

HONG KONG. Thursday, July 22, 2010, 1:50pm, from the Internet at Pacific Coffee, Nathan Road, Kowloon, Hong Kong. By Rev. Steve Parelli.

Fridae.com reporter Nigel Collett reports on Steve and Jose's seminar on the fallacies of the evangelical "ex-gay" movement held Saturday, July 17, 2010, at the Blessed Minority Christian Fellowship, Hong Kong

The following is an excerpt from the article Is there such a thing as an ex-gay? by Nigel Collett who is Fridae.com's Hong Kong correspondent. Nigel Collett attended the seminar Rev. Steve Parelli and Jose Ortiz presented here in Hong Kong on the fallecies of the 'ex-gay' movement .  The following is his summary of the material they gave.  The seminar was hosted by the Blessed Minority Christian Fellowship of Hong Kong on Saturday afternoon, July 17, 2010.  You can read Nigel Collett's complete article by clicking here. 

The full paper Steve and Jose presented can be linked to from their Other Sheep website by going to this webpage.  You can also link to the paper "Is There Such a Thing as 'Ex-gay'" by going to the Blessed Minority Christian Fellowship website.  The paper is in English and Chinese.

8 problems at the core of the 'ex-gay' movement (excerpt from Nigel Collett's article)

They [Rev. Steve Parelli and Jose Ortiz] see eight problems at the core of the ‘ex-gay’ movement. Number one: it is a movement rooted in traditional cultural norms and not in good religious interpretation (biblical exegesis) or modern science. It arose in 1975 as a reaction to the growth of gay and other liberation in the USA in the late sixties and early seventies and has its origins in the evangelical culture of religion, country and flag. The tying of religion – and religion of an evangelical hue – to patriotism makes for a particularly heady brew and accounts for a lot of the vitriol of the opposition to gay liberation. This leads the movement to try to justify its tenets in mis-interpreted religious ‘clobber texts’, which are used out of context to beat the believer. Number two: the movement’s use of psychology is out of date and highly selective. Its science is spurious and discredited in the mainstream, and its practitioners are held in little respect in their profession. Ideas of smothering mothers, distant fathers and childhood abuse litter their literature. Number three: whilst the movement promises ‘change’, it can only deliver behavioural modification, something its leaders admit (though usually only in the small print). It is inevitable that it will disappoint ‘those who want to arrive at a destination but find themselves alone on the train not knowing where they are going’, as Steve puts it.

Number four: the movement attempts to alter behaviour into stereotypical male and female gender roles, ignoring the reality of diversity and the cultural base for these stereotypes. By behaving like a man, by playing ball, by dressing conservatively, by avoiding anything effeminate, it says, you will be ‘healed’; an idea, of course, which would be ludicrous if it were not so sad, but an attractive one to those who have been damaged by the ostracism that their differences have attracted all their lives. Number five: the movement is riven by dishonesty. Personal failings have to be glossed over in order to conform to a God-ordained success, so the inevitable failures are brushed under the carpet. The enthusiasm of new adherents is touted as success while the failure of older members is ignored; the movement’s poster boy or girl is always the new face.

Number six: the claims of success used in the movement’s propaganda are not substantiated. No statistics are kept and wild statements are made. There is never any attempt to follow up on people who exit the movement. Number seven: the movement is tied to certain types of religious experience and sees being ‘ex-gay’ as a walk with a personal Jesus who will be with you in ‘an unending process of overcoming’ in the service of God. Not much help, here, for the skeptic, the Buddhist, the Hindu, the agnostic or atheist or even the middle of the road Anglican. Number eight: the movement views non-sexual close male relationships as essential for ‘healing’, a claim as unsubstantiated and dubiously based as it is positively inimical to resisting temptation (as Steve and Jose so luckily found!).

Why, then, does this movement persist? Steve and José believe that it will not do so in the long term, as it is based upon a negativity which will destroy it, but in the mean time it survives because of the sincere enthusiasm of many of those within it and the never-ending succession of young men and women it attracts as they come to adulthood and who wish to follow the religion in which they have been brought up. Though many of the movement’s leading practitioners seem to be unscrupulous, the mass of its membership consists of deeply troubled men and women who are seeking help or trying to give help to others. Those who undergo the experience of ‘reparative therapy’ therefore often have nothing but affection for those who mislead them through the process. I found this phenomenon amongst the audience at the talk and it is something noted by many researchers (see, for instance, Tanya Erzen’s 2006 account, Straight to Jesus). That is at least one reason why it is so difficult to find people prepared to speak out.

Speak out they must, though, if the continuing psychological damage endured by those seeking to be ‘ex-gay’ is to be stopped. The Hong Kong medical establishment has yet to have the courage to stand up for the truth and to make any statement about ‘reparative therapy’ and its dangers. Eventually, they will have to be pushed into doing so. Steve Parelli and José Ortiz have left Hong Kong now, but they have planted a seed here which the LGBT movement in Hong Kong should tend to full growth.